People always play those games, what would you get if you came into some money? Me, I would hire a live-in videographer. I would call him LIV. I want him to follow me around and video my day to day life. Not like Real Housewives, or worse, Jersey Shore type of taping. I want him to be my proof. I want to be able to turn to him at any time and say “you saw that right?”
Any mother and wife would want this. It would go like this:
Me: … Continue Reading »
You should know from the start that I was raised by a Cuban Jewish mother. If you met her she would tell you this as if you needed to cross it off your scavenger hunt list. As a Latin women, she believes in good food, and most important, never leaving the house without rouge and lipstick. Rouge is blush for anyone who has shopped for cosmetics in the past thirty years. She would always say to me when I was younger, “Are you sick? You need a little rouge.” … Continue Reading »
I always thought the question “How was the funeral” was a stupid question.
But I attended one yesterday, and my answer is different than the usual snide “how could it have been?” I didn’t know her well, she was my good friend’s grandmother. But I listened to all of the stories from those who did. Her daughters, her son-in-laws, grandchildren, great-grandchildren.
Those who spoke told funny stories, which I always think is a great way to share your memories about someone. I attended this service, where we said goodbye to … Continue Reading »
So let me start by saying I am not that Mom. You know the one I am talking about. The overbooker, the overachiever. The panicked look on her face if she thinks her kids aren’t doing something the other kids are.
I am not that Mom.
So I was at a PTA breakfast the other morning and they had about five kids individually performing.
One child danced, one child sang. Then the kid that really got me was the piano player. She was amazing. Must have been in fifth … Continue Reading »
I am lying on the table. Still a little out of it. But awake enough to hear people around me. “Why is her gown up?” one nurse asks. “It was a mess in there!” the other responds. I think they think I am sleeping. Did I just hear them discussing that I -you know what- on the operating table in front of a minimum of four people? It’s colonoscopy day and I hadn’t followed prep instructions that great. I am thirty-nine, had just completed my third colonoscopy, and my … Continue Reading »
I had a dream. My husband and I are in Detroit eating at a restaurant. Eminem approaches our table. He turns to my husband and says, “I will sing two songs at your son’s Bar Mitzvah if I can have one night with your wife.” Shocked, my husband and I turn to each other and he says “See you in the morning honey. I think I am going to sleep in, so be quiet when you come back.”
So Eminem and I head back to his mansion. I think we … Continue Reading »
I talk to a lot of women who tell me that they wish they could do this, or should have done that. I see certain people who I know are so dissatisfied with their lives, unhappy actually. And you know what, I find them quite annoying. When I first moved to my Truman Show town, I became obsessed with a woman I would see who wore sweatpants literally every day. I started imagining what her life must be like. Does she not want to get dressed? Is she too … Continue Reading »