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A Mom Can Finally See The Brightside

Mature Magazines

Listen.  I fought it for as long as I could.  But it had to be done. People were in danger. I was putting myself in danger.  I had to put aside my fears, my own emotions for the good of others.

I had to buy reading glasses.  I’m forty-one and I can’t fuc*@!! see.  I was in a store today, trying to figure out what size tights I wear, and I couldn’t make out the height or weight section, so I told the salesperson I was a “B”.  Like I was guessing on a scantron or something.

Zappos

 

So I have decided to bring the reading glasses with me in my purse and not leave them at home like a dirty little secret, kind of like I used to do with this blonde blue-eyed boy I dated against my parents’ wishes.

 

And because I am a glass half full person, I can see the benefits to this new addition in my life:

 

1)   I can read the labels on the Botox boxes.

2)   I will now know the ingredients in Japanese Hair straightening products.

3)   I can now learn about my son’s life by reading his texts.

4)   I will now be able to make out the style codes in items of clothing I like, copy them, and search for them on sale.

5)   I will now know why I have been getting fatter, because the Mac and Cheese listed on my food app was never 240 calories, it was 1,040 calories.

6)   I can now read More magazine, which for some reason, I just received in the mail.  Is there some sort of flyer that goes out announcing I am of the age to read More magazine?

7)   When I go to the Selena concert tonight, I will be able to read her set list and get my voice ready for the next song.

8)   Now I can put batteries in anyone’s flashlight because I can see the +/- inside.

9)   Now I can read all of those “Sex after Forty” magazine articles.  From what I understand from the article, number 8 will come in handy.

10)  I can read the warning labels on my Vodka bottles. “Do not attempt to simplify fractions while consuming.” It says that! It does!

11)  I now read what all of last week’s fuss was about with Kim K’s butt. Did you know it was this big?

 

Kim K post baby bod

 

12)                   I will now perfect the sexy librarian look.

Looking sexy in glasses

If you want to think this is me, that’s fine.

 

 

 

So folks. What can I say?  It’s inevitable.  So you might as well embrace it, get some cute ones, and admit that Botox and Japanese hair straightening have some crazy shit in them!

 

If you are in the market, a friend of mine bought me a great pair by eyebobs.

 

 

 

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