Valentine’s Day is coming soon. Scott and I don’t really care about celebrating the holiday. We find it a bit contrived. The cards, the gifts, the dinner reservations. I admit I don’t find the gift part bad, and I guess we could make the day about romance. So I came up with a brilliant idea. We will reenact the most romantic movie scenes and hope for the best.
1. About Last Night-Please watch this movie again! Rob Lowe, Demi Moore with a fat ass. Nothing is better than re-watching a movie you loved so much and realizing it was some of the worst dialogue ever: “No, let’s leave the lights on, I think we have been in the dark long enough.” Scott and I will reenact their first night together, when Rob Lowe seductively placed headphones on Demi, then put on his own pair, and they listened to the stereo together. I will complain that the earbuds hurt, and that Eddie Vedder is not the best turn on.
2. Say Anything- I pretend to be sleeping upstairs, and Scott takes Julia’s fake boom box that holds an Iphone. He stands below my balcony holding the radio over his head blasting “In Your Eyes.” Someone from the neighborhood complains, and we have to pay a fine to our homeowner’s association.
3. Sixteen Candles-I’m sorry, but if you didn’t love Jake Ryan there is something wrong with you. Scott will rent a Porsche and wait for me outside one of the god-awful birthday lunches I have to attend. He will take me home and have a cake with candles set up on our dining room table. We will sit across from each other. “Thanks for picking me up from the birthday lunch.” “Happy Valentine’s Day” he says. We kiss and both fall off the table.
4. The Notebook-I will drink Nyquil to simulate unconsciousness. Scott will retell the story how we fell in love. Then you ordered another lemon drop, and I said, “Are you okay.” Then I held your hair, and you said, “I think you’re a keeper.”
5. Sleepless in Seattle-Scott and I decide to meet at the hotel where we married. We decide to meet at 8:00p.m. It’s 8:05, “Where the f?!k are you?” I leave.
6. Titanic-Scott sets up a raft for me in the hot tub while he treads water in our unheated pool. He tries to grab on to the raft. “Relax Jen, live your life.” “Okay, thanks,” I say, “Can you keep treading and top off my wine?”
7. Dirty Dancing-Scott and I go to a really fancy restaurant. They give us a horrible table. They think we are not good enough to be there. I make Scott complain. “Excuse me, my wife does not like to be put in a corner, can we change tables please?” We change tables and have the time of our lives.
Or, we just let each other eat as much Valentine’s chocolate as we want without thinking in our minds that the other one is going to get really fat. That’s romance!