Humor, Husbands, Style,

Can A Mom Really Be A Cook, A Whore, and A Lady?

take out menu boxesWhat’s that line? A woman should be a cook in the kitchen, a whore in the bedroom, and a lady in the living room?

Is it possible? Do you live like this? How about modernizing it, to, A woman should cook once in a while if she knows how, have one of those cute personalized take out menu boxes in the kitchen pantry, be a whore in the bedroom if they can stay awake past 9:00 pm, and a well-dressed lady in the family room, because no one really uses their living rooms.

I think that’s a realistic goal for us all, don’t you? I honestly can’t cook. I try the regular dishes like taco night, or steak night, or chicken teriyaki night. I find that if I use the word “night” after the dish, it really can get the gang excited. But what I have been finding is my son texting me early in the day at school requesting I pick up Chipolte for dinner. But I still want to try. With anything you go to the experts. I have a friend who loves to cook. And she is always saying how easy the dishes are to make. And I want to say, “If they are so easy, why don’t you just make a little extra and i will pick it up, but that should come from her, don’t you think?” So for now, she gives me recipes and a good cookbook.

TRY:  JOY OF COOKING  and CLASSIC 30-MINUTE MEALS  or VISIT THE GREAT SITE EPICURIOUS

Okay. Cook in the kitchen, check!!!

Whore in the bedroom. I don’t know about you, but I am a hit the pillow, fall asleep kind of gal.  So unless my “John” likes the tired Rip Van Winkle type of whore, we have a problem.  As a solution, sometimes I’ll have coffee at like 4pm to keep me awake. It’s not like I’m planning our escapades, it’s more like i’m planning on him not being grossed out by me when he walks into the bedroom and hears the snores, and sees the drool. (yes, both occur more often than I’d like to admit) The whore stuff I research like a good recipe. Ask your slutty friends, or your single friends. Find out what’s happening out there. Find out what the crazy kids (above 18) are doing. Sometimes I’ll hear something, and the shock comes over me that it looks like I had the most sour candy ever made. Sometimes I hear something, and I think, like Tai in Clueless, “survey says, doable” Let’s be honest, I’m married almost twenty years, I think if I wear high heels, nothing else, and ask him to put a twenty on the table, it’s progress.

DRESS THE PART:
GET IT HERE:
asos nightie
SHOP IT HERE:
sexy calvin klein nightie

Whore, Check!!

Now, for the well-dressed Lady in the Family Room part. You know by now that I think we should make an effort to dress every day. Not crazy fancy, just get dressed. A little mascara, a little blush, cute outfit. Whether we work in an office, or work at home, I know I feel better when I take a little extra time to put myself together. I tested it out the past few days when I wore my work out clothes all day running around. My hair not very cute, no makeup. Two people offered me a hot meal and a comfortable place to stay for the night. So at least if you and your guy haven’t seen each other since morning, he should greet you at night looking cute, and you as well. I like to find stylish yet comfortable no brainer pieces. I have my favorite jeans or black pants and I constantly change the tops. Or, to make it really easy, I’ll throw on a cotton dress or jumpsuit.

Well Dressed Lady In the Family Room. Check!!!

And maybe we can come up with a quote for the men. Like, a man should be a lightbulb installer in the kitchen, an ambidextrous gigolo in the bedroom, and an agreeable gentleman in the living room.

Tags: cook in kitchen quote, mom humor, moms,