Archive for the ‘Husbands’ Category
Last week my family returned to Disney world. We hadn’t been back since 2006 and my son Jack wanted to revisit his youth before he turned the big 11.
The Magic Kingdom doesn’t change. With the exception of a few new rides, all was intact. Pirates of the Caribbean, The Jungle Cruise, and the not yet diagnosed but definitely clinically insane Disney pin traders.
I was, however, struck by one change in the park: Cinderella. She looked like shit!!
Now put on your suspension of … Continue Reading »
A joke told to my husband by his straight hairstylist: What’s the best part of a blowjob? The five minutes of silence.
That’s just funny. If you aren’t laughing, stop reading now.
I’m always writing about how similar we are as women. How we share so many of the same thoughts and experiences. The reality is, men share a lot of similarities with each other as well.
Basically, they all want their wives to shut up a little. From their point of view, we say too … Continue Reading »
Last night, as I was grocery shopping, I got such a kick out of seeing all the men scrambling to find flowers, cards, and candy for their mates. I found it so entertaining that I told my Facebook friends to head out to their local store to watch the men sweat out their purchases. I even went so far as to make fun of these guys to my husband. “Can you believe these guys going to Publix the night before Valentine’s?”
This Valentine’s morning my husband gave me a … Continue Reading »
Valentine’s Day is coming soon. Scott and I don’t really care about celebrating the holiday. We find it a bit contrived. The cards, the gifts, the dinner reservations. I admit I don’t find the gift part bad, and I guess we could make the day about romance. So I came up with a brilliant idea. We will reenact the most romantic movie scenes and hope for the best.
1. About Last Night-Please watch this movie again! Rob Lowe, Demi Moore with a fat ass. Nothing … Continue Reading »
Competition often gets a bad rap. There’s now a trend where everybody plays, everybody wins. But I find that competition can be healthy and is just part of life. As we get older though, it seems that adult competition takes on different forms. I need to get my competitive fix where I can find it, and, I often find it with the hubby.
1. Family Competition: Scott and I enjoy sparring over who is nicer to whose family. I believe I am the … Continue Reading »
So in my dream, I am the Julia Roberts character from Pretty Woman. It’s the scene where I am getting ready to go to the opera, and Scott presents me with the velvet box, he opens it, I get a little glimpse, unsure of its contents, then he closes the box on my hand. I laugh with excitement and anticipation. He opens it, and inside, I stare, inside is a dry cleaning ticket, and Scott says, “My shirts have been ready since last Thursday. Can you … Continue Reading »
I was watching a video of myself talking and I discovered that I may have a slight lisp.
Me: Scott, I think I have a lisp. Do I sound like I have a lisp?
Scott: Yes, you kind of have always had a lisp.
Me: I have? Why haven’t you ever told me? I’ve had a lisp the whole time we are together, and you never mentioned it?
So it got me to thinking. What else has Scott decided not to tell me … Continue Reading »
Well. It’s been a few weeks since the inception of my experiment. (See Mom’s Very Own Science Fair) And what can I say? We under-performed like the Yankees. We were going for the championship, and we got swept in the second round.
That’s right. My hypothesis was correct. I went for three mozzarella sticks, then other entrees got in the way.
Like the Yankees, we just didn’t have our mental game strong enough. Sure, we started out with the best intentions, but after … Continue Reading »
You know how I feel about Oprah, (See Oprah Why So Deep?) so I won’t ever call what I had an Aha! moment. Let’s call it a, “Holy shit! That’s what has been pissing me off the whole time moment.” I was having a conversation with my girlfriend yesterday. We were talking about our husbands of course, and we discovered that they do the same thing to piss us off. They ask us questions about what we are doing. Can you … Continue Reading »
It’s been about a week since my last post. Let me explain. I had a bad case of food poisoning. Now an Edibles fruit basket would have been nice, but don’t feel too bad for me. I am a glass half full kind of gal and there were some positives to my most recent predicament. One, I lost the stubborn two pounds I needed to before my son’s Bar Mitzvah. Two, I literally watched eleven straight hours of Gossip Girl, … Continue Reading »
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