Archive for the ‘Mommy Lessons’ Category
A joke told to my husband by his straight hairstylist: What’s the best part of a blowjob? The five minutes of silence.
That’s just funny. If you aren’t laughing, stop reading now.
I’m always writing about how similar we are as women. How we share so many of the same thoughts and experiences. The reality is, men share a lot of similarities with each other as well.
Basically, they all want their wives to shut up a little. From their point of view, we say too … Continue Reading »
The other night with my girlfriends we discussed attending the Maroon 5 concert. They emphasized they wanted to get as close as possible to Adam Levine to better their chances of sleeping with him. I listened with much amusement, all the while thinking, “We are just too old to be fawning over rock stars.” At this stage in my life, I need a sure thing.
Of course I reminisced about my time in high school when I made my way to the front row of the Bon … Continue Reading »
The other day I am shopping with Julia when a girl she knows approaches. Wearing a sweatshirt from the store, the girl asks, “Julia, do you have one of these sweatshirts?” Julia responds, “Yes,” and then the little girls says, “Are you Jewish?” Again, Julia responds “yes.” The girl turns to her mother, “You see Mom, everyone I know who has this sweatshirt is Jewish.”
Julia and I found this exchange quite comical. I assured the little girl that a lot of different people have this sweatshirt … Continue Reading »
I cried at Taylor Swift last night. Not because her unbelievable talent made me feel completely talentless. Not because watching her made me realize that I too would like to play the banjo but can’t. Not even because her bangs are so perfect and when I tried bangs shortly after Julia was born, it was not pretty, and Scott looked at me like he did at those home video childbirths they used to show on TLC’s A Baby Story.
I cried from happiness. I was with Julia … Continue Reading »
I am going to talk about a serious form of discrimination I have been experiencing. I am a good person and don’t think I should be victim to this kind of treatment. It’s called real housewivist. This is when I tell people I watch the Real Housewives franchise and they look at me with those judging eyes, as if I am less then them. As if my TV isn’t as good as their TV.
I am here to fight for my rights, and the rights … Continue Reading »
I am making this the year of focusing on the benefits on being in my forties. (See: A Mom Comes To Terms With Her Aging) In my youth, herein referred to as B.40 Jen, (not to be confused with UB40 and the wonderful song, Red Red Wine, which I do enjoy and need as A.40 Jen) I was quite judgmental. If a mom didn’t say “Hi” in the nursery school hallway, I would think, “What a bitch.” Now, I think she is just a little shy or … Continue Reading »
The other night I was out to dinner with a college friend from New York. “I can say this now to you, probably only you, Jen, aren’t you so happy you have your blog and book to work on, I mean, what do these other women do every day?”
It was as if I was inducted into a club I didn’t apply for. I wrote about the working vs. non-working mom issue a while back, but this was different. Even though I love my blog and book, I consider … Continue Reading »
Mommy Rut: when the hamster wheel starts squeaking and you can’t remember what you did from one day to the next.
We have all hit it. A rut. The days meld into each other and you swear you just saw Punxsutawney Phil running around. I am experiencing one now. It seems like the days are filled with mind numbing errands, carpools, and sporting events; and any vacation is still a ways off.
It’s normal to feel this way. I’m thinking I have to take my own advice. … Continue Reading »
As a mom, you hear yourself teaching your kids lessons all the time, knowing that you may not always follow. “Lay off the junk food” and you pick up a pack of Sour Patch Kids at checkout. “Be active” while you plant your ass on the couch for a Homeland marathon. And the most recent lesson I ignored, “Don’t talk behind people’s backs.”
When it comes to gossip, I am not going to lie. It’s like chocolate cake, I don’t turn it down, and I will share it … Continue Reading »
I admit I have had complete writer’s block. Since last Friday I haven’t able to think of anything funny, let alone write anything funny. I, like everyone else in the world, have had a hand over my mouth and tears in my eyes every time I read a newspaper or watch the news.
I have always prided myself as being a pretty lax mother. I am a glass half full person whose mind rarely goes to the worst case scenario. I have even judged overprotective parenting as uptight … Continue Reading »
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