I Wish I had a Live-In Videographer

People always play those games, what would you get if you came into some money?  Me, I would hire a live-in videographer.  I would call him LIV.  I want him to follow me around and video my day to day life.  Not like Real Housewives, or worse, Jersey Shore type of taping.  I want him to be my proof.  I want to be able to turn to him at any time and say “you saw that right?”

Any mother and wife would want this.  It would go like this:

Me: “Honey, just to let you know our plans, tomorrow I have to go to a birthday lunch, and Ben has to go to a friends, Julia has a game, and Jack is meeting friends at the park. Okay?”

Scott…two hours later: “Babe, you don’t need me tomorrow, we don’t have anything going on, right?”

I stare at LIV, like those characters do on The Office and Modern Family.

“Roll the tape.”

When Scott and I have an argument about how we are speaking to one another, now it’s easy to determine who is wrong.

“Roll the tape”

Even better, when my kids are fighting, and I know they are lying about what happened, I can now get all LA Law on them.

“I object” and “I’d like to submit this video into evidence.”  I knew my law degree wouldn’t go to waste.

Then I could make a confessional room, and I could go in with LIV and just talk to him.  Give him my point on the day of events.  It would be like therapy, except better because I can say everything I want and no one would tell me I might be wrong.

Like when I am helping my kids with their homework, they aren’t getting it and I am getting frustrated and a little troubled that they aren’t getting it.  I could relax, go into my confessional room:

“You think that math is easy, right? ” Don’t you think they should know this stuff?”

What a release!!!

I totally know what I am asking Scott for this year’s birthday present.

Tags: everyday life, funny stuff, humor, husbands, kids, moms,