The other night I was out to dinner with a college friend from New York. “I can say this now to you, probably only you, Jen, aren’t you so happy you have your blog and book to work on, I mean, what do these other women do every day?”
It was as if I was inducted into a club I didn’t apply for. I wrote about the working vs. non-working mom issue a while back, but this was different. Even though I love my blog and book, I consider myself a stay at home mom, (“SAHM”). And I was kind of taking offense. But the reality is, I understand the judgment. A lot of things SAHM do seem really boring and tortuous. Sometimes I put on the garbage disposal at the same time Scott asks me what I did that day. I am busy; the mere five hours I have from the time my last kid leaves for school and my other two get home, I can definitely fill up.
Well honey, I was on the phone with insurance for about an hour, then I got a call from school to pick up Jack because he was coughing, then I took him to the doctor, got him soup, then I went back out to pick up the dry cleaning, go grocery shopping, came home to pay bills, tried to think up something funny to write (like, what’s with carpool, I have a car, but where’s the swimming? Some days better than others.), wrote a little, and boom, was at the bus stop at 2:00pm for Julia.
That’s not an atypical day. No tennis game, no lunch with the gals, no Zumba, no mani/pedi, just brain cell depleting errands with a little time management skills mixed in. My days are rarely glamorous even though I wear heels and mascara daily, and I do have aspirations and dreams that would take me out of my regular schedule.
Here’s the thing, though. I love being at that bus stop. I love driving them to the park to see friends. Shit, I even love practicing cursive. Sure I have offered sex to the dry cleaning guy to get home pick up and delivery. I have even considered putting the whole family on that trendy calorie restriction diet, to cut down on my grocery shopping trips. And my kids are now taking probiotics because I hate going to the pediatrician.
But for now, or until my blog pays for a really expensive pair of shoes, I will proudly write in SAHM for occupation on all forms. Maybe with a side paragraph written in red marker, My kids think I am funny, I was a lawyer, and could work if I wanted to!
*Look out for my next one, What I Learned About Life From The Naked Lady In The Hot Tub.
Great article babe but I don’t have time to write anything else!
Have to run to the dry cleaner, drop off at Hebrew, pick up middle school bus stop, pick up early from Hebrew, drop off at park, pick up at home, drop other one off at park, pick up first one at park, somehow give dinner to four kids, pick up second one at the park and get everyone into bed at a decent hour! All while my hubby is playing for the US Open tennis team at the club!
I was on a fantastic spa week with a brilliant, successful friend and as we were halfway through our 5AM Arizona mountains hike, she started talking to other people. Who talks at 6 AM? We soon realized we were with other brilliant fabulous business women who were all talking business and how all of their careers overlapped somehow… I huffed and puffed up those mountains, but stayed quiet. I and nothing to contribute. When asked, I sheepishly replied, “I’m a stay at home.” Dead silence. Then the usual response…. “How great that you can stay home with your kids.”. Yes, it’s great, no doubt, and I’d never change it, but later Jane and I talked about why I felt so badly about not being able to talk about MY big, important job. We decided that the answer to the question should have been, ” Well, I used to fill-in-the-blank for X years, blah blah blah, and right now I am happy to be taking some time off to raise my children.”. Gives some credibility to having been a professional then and having made the choice to stay home and ‘just’ be a mom now. Wouldn’t you know that on the flight home, I tried out my new answer when the guy next to me asked. Turns out he worked for Delta, which was my old company’s preferred carrier, and he got me an upgrade on my connecting flight! I’ve been answering the question that way ever since and feeling much better about it.
This is SUCH a great blog post! Thank you for giving a voice to stay-at-home moms everywhere, because we are ALL intelligent, thinking, creative beings who have dreams outside the home too. We are taking the time to raise our children, help them with homework, do drop-offs and pick-ups, and to borrow my favorite line from your posting: do “brain cell depleting errands with a little time management skills mixed in.”
I used to teach high school English and worked in publishing before having kids. I was also a writer in the wings, waiting to make things happen. I had short stories, articles and poems published in magazines for years, but it wasn’t until AFTER I became a stay-at-home-mom, that I had my first book of poetry published in 2007. I think going through the physical and emotional challenges of pregnancy, childbirth, nursing, sleepless nights and mind numbing lack of personal time, makes you stronger. It makes you turn even a 30-minute nap into a speedy, rough draft of a poem.
These beautiful creatures, who invade our lives, also embrace our hearts and make us better people. All of the self-sacrifice is worth it, because they give us so much back. Having children made me a better writer. Each word is richer for the experiences I have had.
My fourth book of poetry, The Lava Storyteller, is coming out in June 2013 (Red Mare Press). I am grateful for the time I have to escape to my world of writing fiction, but I am also thankful for reading The Buddy Files Mystery with my 1st grader, and I am proud of my 3rd grader for being published in a district-wide anthology this spring, because mom keeps feeding him poetry along with carrots every day.
I am thankful for being the person that I have become from being a stay-at-home mom. Thanks for representing us, Jen!
Thanks Cristina for your comments. I feel the same way! Good luck with your book and welcome to dontwearsweats.
Love stayathome moms! If you can afford it great! But then there are the Super Moms, like me, who have a career but also take care of their kids. I raised 3 children while working fulltime, while my friends stayed at home watching Oprah. Some women can just handle more!!! What matters most is that our children are getting attention and love.
I agree with you. I think a woman can do both! I can assure you though, I am not an Oprah fan.
I am a SAHM, blogger, cleaner extraordinaire and have loved exploring the world with my toddlers full-time, but am growing tired of hearing martyrdom from SAHM’s! Some of you sound like you feel the world owes you something for doing all you do for your kids…blah, blah, blah…and need other SAHM’s to champion your cause. If you’re ‘just’ a SAHM and are cool with that, and your children are your whole world and you have nothing positive to add to the world at large…there’s something wrong with that, not to mention unhealthy. Children deserve a bigger world than ‘mommy’ and need to see us in a larger environment than our tasks at home.
I think your make some great points. That is what is so great about different points of view. I don’t interpret what I wrote as martyrdom, I embrace my everyday and appreciate my life. I think there is sacrifice in all that we do, working moms and stay at home. Please send me your blog, as I would love to read it. Thanks for commenting.