Well, it happened today. The thing I dreaded most. I had heard about it. I even know people who have dabbled. Some good friends, too. I just never thought I’d be one of them.
The thing is, I’ve always prided myself on being different, try to set myself apart from the crowds. I mean, that’s one of the reasons I use Juvederm instead of Restylane, for my cheeks to be different.
But now. It’s over.
Because today I accepted an invitation to join a Book Club.
That’s right. Me! Soon to be 44, (just threw up a little in my mouth) got a fucking homework assignment. I have to read a book, and then discuss my feelings about it with other women. I have to have a point of view!!
For me, saying you are a part of a Book Club is like when I signed up for a bunch of clubs in high school so as to appear productive, …so I could get into college. But I got into college, and law school. I want to be done with tests, and assignments. I can’t be judged by other women to see who is the most smarticle in the group.
And what if this Book Club requires me to prepare some home made appetizer? They are going to know I didn’t wrap the hot dogs in pastry.
I am not sure if I can do this. I mean, I just started watching 60 Minutes again. Doesn’t that count for something?
Okay. Okay. I’ll go to one meeting. But my recurring nightmare plays out as follows:
I walk in. Everyone is in a headband. Not only have they read the book, they have highlighted! I notice a women glance at my bag. Does she see the yellow and black booklet in my bag? We start discussing. The host starts. “Well, I thought the main character acted that way because of his painful childhood. ” Another women, “It was so powerful when they connected.” Another, “This book so parallels my life, it changed me. Jen, what do you think? “ Cut to me… I’m passed out on the couch. Drool at the corners of my mouth. My wine glass, slipping out of my hand. I come to suddenly. “What, what? Oh, I loved when the main character told him how she felt about the dinner party.” “What dinner party?” Shit, I think to myself. I just took something from a recent episode of Southern Charm.
I’m never asked back, word gets around and the Mahjong people want nothing to do with me.
At least I know Angelina and Brad are having problems. Do You?
Just so you know, this will be my Book Club outfit. It’s casual, comfortable, and when I spill the wine, no noticeable stains.