Right now I am working from home. Let me paint a picture, like Monet. It’s 2:30p.m. and the house is empty, as all kids are away at camp and teen tours. True to Florida living, the skies have opened and it’s raining and thundering. I actually made the conscious decision to get in a robe and write in bed. Why? You ask? Why the hell not? When do us moms get to just lay in bed, undisturbed, in peace and quiet?  I mean, it’s happened before, but I either have to be legitimately sick, or I call on my Meryl Streep acting and am able to turn a mild cold into one of those contagious illnesses they make movies about, the cold that could kill anyone who comes into contact with you.

With all my quiet time I had an epiphany. Sure I’ve had epiphanies before, like…

Bangs made me look really unattractive.

I have to lay off the nachos during bikini season.

I am not a prostitute because I’m married.

Massage Therapists give us fifteen minutes to take off a thong so they can shave time off the massage.

You never know how important collagen is until people tell you you are losing it.

My latest epiphany is about my kids.

I have written every summer about how much I enjoy my summer break. (check out Are Moms Better In Certain Seasons?) My husband and I get to spend a lot of time together, we don’t have to run around from activity to activity, and we feel secure that our kids are away and safe. And it’s not that I don’t love or miss them. It’s that I know they are having a great time.

This is a camp letter from my middle one. It’s just a smiley face, but I know it means he loves riflery.

My oldest is on a teen tour where he is allowed his phone. He left on June 30. Guess how much I have talked to him since then? Zero, zilch, nada, zippo. I figure my oldest isn’t calling because he is fine and happy, but probably, because he needs a break from me. I don’t want to ruin whatever vision you have of me, but I’ll let you in on a little secret. I can be annoying. Really annoying. Parents can be annoying. We ask a hell of a lot of questions all the time. What are you doing?  Who are you going with? Where are you going?  Did you study? Are you reading? Did you shower?  Did you think about your future today?  Are you drinking?  Do you know what crack is?  Do you like sluts?

Annoying, right? So with this particular epiphany, I am embracing the fact that my kids need a breather from me like I do from them. And when we come back together, we are all better for it. When we come back together, we will look like those families on those Beaches Resorts commercials. Smiling, running down the beach together hand in hand.

So to my oldest, wherever you are, I am fine with the silent treatment. Enjoy. Cause when you get back, I’ve got a lot of questions.