This is a picture of my middle son Jack. I received it via text while he was at a sleepover. I was not thrilled to say the least. I am terrified of alligators and I didn’t realize the gator was tied up. So, I thought Jack was posing with a deadly alligator.
Did I need to tell him that you shouldn’t pose with alligators? Did that need to be a talk? A parenting lesson?
A few things have happened in the past few weeks that made me remember something. Parenting Rule #1- State the Obvious.
As a parent for twelve and half years, I know this for sure. Raise your kids like they are drunk morons. Don’t misunderstand, I love my children. And I know they are very smart individuals. But hold your judgement for a moment. You know how you have come home drunk, and you don’t know what you are saying, you can’t make a sound decision, you said dumb things to people when you were out, and you fall asleep in your clothes? Forgetting to wash up or brush your teeth?
Well, this is what children will act like if you don’t intervene and state the obvious.
Another fun example. My oldest, Ben went to get himself a cup of water, which in and of itself is quite something. He has the water in a brandy like glass. Scott tells him to make sure he is careful because it’s glass and will break easily. “This isn’t glass,” Ben says confidently. “It’s plastic.” “No Ben, we know it’s glass. We registered for those ridiculous glasses seventeen years ago.“ Ben: “I’ll bet you $20 it’s plastic. “ Ben then proceeds to squeeze the glass, it shatters into hundreds of pieces. He has actual glass sticking out of his hand, with bonus blood dripping onto Scott.
Did I really need to teach him to not personally test whether something is glass or plastic?
Yes!! This is the point.
Even though we as parents find certain lessons so obvious, our little drunkies don’t. It’s obvious you wake up and brush your teeth, not to them! It’s obvious you need to bathe after you just sweat like a pig. Not to them! It’s obvious you don’t tell your mom’s friend they wear too much eye makeup. But not to them! It’s obvious you don’t fart aloud in a room of more than one person. But not to them! It’s obvious if you throw your socks off and across the room, you will never see them as a pair again. But not to them!
I think you understand all to well. I am sure your kids are drunks! Now, excuse me, I have to go tell my boys that if they pee in the same toilet, at the same time, they will be sprayed, and they will have to shower. It’s so obvious!
I too often find my myslef asking, “really…are you that dumb?”
Buckle your seatbelt because what comes next with teenagers is even more dumbfounding! My advice…here goes…when telling your teenagers ANYTHING but especially regarding rules and expectations, it’s not enough to just tell them once. First, you must tell them numerous times. Say it many different ways, don’t leave any holes in what you’re telling them. Don’t leave any room for misunderstanding, any room for misinterpretation, any room for “you only told my brother, you didn’t tell me…” Be SO PERFECTLY CLEAR and then ask them “IS THERE ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT I JUST SAID THAT YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND?” (and be sure to speak loudly enough so that they hear you.) Then when, they forget (and they will) you’ll be able to know that it’s really not you. It’s them.
Great advice! I think I can use this for my husband too! Thanks!