I love Modern Family!! My whole family loves it. I am always smiling at the end of it, and feel that I have taken some sort of lesson away from it as well. It is our modern day After-School Special. One of the lessons I have learned is to dress like a hot Latin woman, only heels and low cut tops. I now wear a padded bra on top of a water bra.
An episode from a few weeks ago stayed with me. In the episode, after the death … Continue Reading »
I never get jealous. My husband could be drooling at another woman, he could put dollars in a strippers bikini bottoms right in front of me, and I would be filing my nails.
But my best friend hanging out with other girls, making lunch plans, laughing and talking, and you know what, I admit that I get a little insecure and jealous.
What does she have I don’t? Don’t I give you everything you need? I know I have real problems. But the truth is, our friendships are like relationships. … Continue Reading »
People always play those games, what would you get if you came into some money? Me, I would hire a live-in videographer. I would call him LIV. I want him to follow me around and video my day to day life. Not like Real Housewives, or worse, Jersey Shore type of taping. I want him to be my proof. I want to be able to turn to him at any time and say “you saw that right?”
Any mother and wife would want this. It would go like this:
Me: … Continue Reading »
You should know from the start that I was raised by a Cuban Jewish mother. If you met her she would tell you this as if you needed to cross it off your scavenger hunt list. As a Latin women, she believes in good food, and most important, never leaving the house without rouge and lipstick. Rouge is blush for anyone who has shopped for cosmetics in the past thirty years. She would always say to me when I was younger, “Are you sick? You need a little rouge.” … Continue Reading »
I am lying on the table. Still a little out of it. But awake enough to hear people around me. “Why is her gown up?” one nurse asks. “It was a mess in there!” the other responds. I think they think I am sleeping. Did I just hear them discussing that I -you know what- on the operating table in front of a minimum of four people? It’s colonoscopy day and I hadn’t followed prep instructions that great. I am thirty-nine, had just completed my third colonoscopy, and my … Continue Reading »
I had a dream. My husband and I are in Detroit eating at a restaurant. Eminem approaches our table. He turns to my husband and says, “I will sing two songs at your son’s Bar Mitzvah if I can have one night with your wife.” Shocked, my husband and I turn to each other and he says “See you in the morning honey. I think I am going to sleep in, so be quiet when you come back.”
So Eminem and I head back to his mansion. I think we … Continue Reading »
I talk to a lot of women who tell me that they wish they could do this, or should have done that. I see certain people who I know are so dissatisfied with their lives, unhappy actually. And you know what, I find them quite annoying. When I first moved to my Truman Show town, I became obsessed with a woman I would see who wore sweatpants literally every day. I started imagining what her life must be like. Does she not want to get dressed? Is she too … Continue Reading »