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Welcome to Don’t Wear Sweats

jenross

I created this blog as a virtual girls night out. Some of my favorite times are with my girlfriends, sitting around laughing and sharing. Making fun of each other, ourselves, our lives.

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We All Need A Little Optical Blurring

Product of the Day, August 26, 2014

 

Urban Decay Body Beauty Balm

I don’t know about you, but with each additional year under my belt, I wake up with weird marks and bruises on my body like I am living the real life story of Orange is the New Black and I’m getting in crazy prison yard fights.

 

Problem is, I still think I can wear short shorts and “slut like”dresses. I have recommended the Sally Hansen product, and it’s still great; but I have now found something I find … Continue Reading »



A Mom Waits For A Table

 

hanging with the kids

Maybe I was just really hot because it’s August in Florida and 87 degrees at 8:00 at night. Maybe it was because I was so tired due to the first week of school and my day now starting at 5:15 every morning.

 

But as I sat with my daughter waiting for a table at Cheescake Factory, I could have sworn this happened.

 

I walk up to the check in desk at Cheescake, but the host is actually my oldest child.

 

Me: I’d like a … Continue Reading »



A Mom Wants Real Friends

 

I’m not mean. I would never make fun of a pregnant woman. It’s the most beautiful time and all women carrying a child are beautiful. Especially Alyssa Milano. She’s gorgeous! I’m not going to point out what struck me about this picture because I’m too nice and classy, but I feel very harried in holding back. That’s all I’ll say.

Alyssa probably had a great baby shower with so many friends around her. Making her feel special and important during this wonderful time in her life. But are they true … Continue Reading »



A Mom Gets Weighed In

 

“We’re slowly dying in front of each other,” I tell my husband the other day. “That’s great,” he says. “We are growing old together.” “That’s not great. What is great about me completely falling apart?”

Understand. I had just asked him to bring my reading glasses down so I could read an article from Allure magazine. Without the glasses, I couldn’t make out if plaid was in for fall or out. Can you imagine the mistake I could have made? It’s in btw.

I had also had a pretty rough … Continue Reading »



I’m Sorry, Eddie Vedder

sorry flowers for eddie vedder

 

Dear Eddie,

My apologies. I have been travelling so I’m a little behind in some current events. I actually feel pretty bad. You see, my husband has always been a fan of yours. Loves your music. We would talk about it from time to time. It truly is incredible, your musical story. You from a very young age had a talent that few will know. You write your own music and your lyrics are incredible. So for someone like me, well, I interpreted that as meaning … Continue Reading »



My Kid Is Giving Me The Silent Treatment, And I Like It

 

kid doesn't call

Right now I am working from home. Let me paint a picture, like Monet. It’s 2:30p.m. and the house is empty, as all kids are away at camp and teen tours. True to Florida living, the skies have opened and it’s raining and thundering. I actually made the conscious decision to get in a robe and write in bed. Why? You ask? Why the hell not? When do us moms get to just lay in bed, undisturbed, in peace and quiet? I mean, it’s happened before, but I … Continue Reading »



Things I Love About Being 42

1. I love the way the bags under my eyes make people think I was out late partying but I know I was asleep by 8:00pm

2. I love it when I go to get a spray tan and stand in front of the mirror but my eyes are closed frighteningly tight as if I’m about to go on a roller coaster.

3. I love it when I now smile at cute twenty-year old boys, I chance being profiled on Dateline NBC.

4. I love it when you see an old hookup after eighteen years and realize if he looks … Continue Reading »



15 Unexpected Things I Learned On My Guided Bus Tour

bus tours I just got back from a twelve-day tour of Israel. Before you go to Israel, and you talk to people about the trip, those who have gone usually say things like, “Oh my god, best trip of my life.” “Moving beyond words, you will come back changed.” But no one tells you the nitty gritty behind taking a guided group bus tour. They keep that from you. They keep a lot from you. But I found out everything. The hard way.

No waiter in Israel has ever uttered, “I’m sorry, … Continue Reading »



A Mom Cheers For The End Of The School Year

It sounds cliché but it’s true, as you get older, time goes faster. It’s just so hard to believe that the school year is already over. Not sure if you know this about me, but I’m not a big fan of school. Sure I want my kids to learn so that they grow up and have great jobs so that they can afford to take care of me, but in terms of the actual school year and what it involves, well, I could do without a few things:

 

Waking up early: My youngest needs to be at school by … Continue Reading »



Love To Share

 

Product of the Day May 30, 2014

Okay peeps. I am not telling you something you don’t already know. If you are not putting sunscreen on daily, mulitple times a day, well, how do I say this nicely, you are probably making the biggest mistake of you life. Bigger than when you let your eighth grade boyfriend go to second base on you and then he told all of his friends, and then you were known as hilly jen. Okay, small hilly Jen.

Everyone, kids, adults, dogs, should be wearing sunscreen. Especially with summer coming, you can’t have any … Continue Reading »