Mom Is Starting To Crack

It’s been around 2 weeks give or take a few days and I’m starting to think I’m the Sybil of Corona. 

Day 1-10

I’m a regular Mary Poppins. This is going to be ok. When do we ever just get to be no pressure of running somewhere or having a plan. I don’t need to nag the kids about work.  I’m really seeing the silver lining in everything… Sure we cancelled spring break but aren’t we lucky we can quarantine outside by the pool? Our family had a great Monopoly game, first one in a long time. I don’t have to make school lunch, I can call out those bitches who have lied about not getting any face injections, I’m always constipated so toilet paper won’t be a problem, and  when the hubby, who I am loving a lot in this time, asks me for you know…rhymes with Dorothy Hammill’s bob, I can honestly say “babe I totally would but the kids are all here.” I actually think I sang this to my family.

I mean, I’m feeling so good and positive I’m even Joel Osteening to friends on zoom telling them we need to have perspective. “When else will we have this pause button, let’s feel grateful” “this isn’t so bad”.

Day 12-13

I’m drunk and napping.

Day 14

I’m starting to crack a bit. My husband is starting to irritate me again with his apple and nut chewing. I also didn’t realize he breathed as much as he did at night. I also might have a drinking problem as I’ve been rewarding myself after a Peloton ride with Rose’, and last night I ate an entire block of cheese myself, like gave dirty looks when others showed interest in the cheese.

I’m starting to look at my kids suspiciously, do they need to eat the entire container of fruit all by themselves? Do they want me to fucking starve or perhaps they like seeing me reenact a Grey’s Anatomy episodes every time I suit up for the grocery store. 
I forgot how to play Rummikub, nobody wants to do a puzzle with me, I’m almost done with tv shows and the people on 90 day fiancé are starting to look better than me.

Day 15

I’ve developed a strange hostility towards Hoda Kotb and she is nicest person on television, but she stopped telling me good things. my husband who I love is sweating profusely on my Peloton and I have now just thrown frozen entrees at my kids and said “figure it out.” I am eating mashed potatoes out of a plastic container and have a deep mistrust of my fedex delivery man I’m also finding showers inconvenient for my schedule 

Day 16

I’ve decided to start writing again because I don’t want to work out, drink or eat anymore for the day. 

At least till 5pm 

Disclaimer: Obviously this is a scary scary time. I’m doing my part staying home unless I have to get food or see my parents at a social distance. My children are like the ones from Flowers in the Attic. 
I pray every day for all of us and for the families who have lost loved ones and are dealing with illness. If we all do our part I am hopeful there is light at the end of this tunnel. 
I just find that humor sometimes helps