Listen. I don’t like to get political, though I have found the whole process this year quite entertaining, and I spend more time than I should wondering where Hillary Clinton purchases her clothing. But I do care about the direction of our country and the issues that will affect our children.
That is why I will vote for a candidate who supports and will implement government funded girls’ trips.
And through research and polling I can explain in detail why it is important to our country for moms to get away from the family for a few days.
Moms are the backbone of all families. We keep things together. We are the CEOs, the CFOs. If we don’t get some time off, the whole company goes to shit. If the head of the company doesn’t get time to clear the head, all employees will suffer. If employees suffer, the company can go belly up. Then they seek help from the government, then our taxes go up to help with all these bankrupt families.
If we don’t leave our kids from time to time they could be morons forever. Now don’t get all sensitive that I call my kids morons from time to time. I love them, but as moms, don’t you ever question if they are capable of even the simplest tasks? I don’t mean to be a broken record, but they need to get their own water. They sit at the table, and will actually say, “Where’s my water?” I will be away next week, and I imagine my kids on an episode of Naked and Afraid. But they are in my home, with the fridge right there, yet they are sitting down for their one on one interviews, “If we don’t get water soon, I don’t know if we can make it the seven days. We might need to drink the pool water, but that could be dangerous.” So its our responsibility to our kids, really, to our country, to create children who grow into capable adults… who can pour their own glass of water.
Mom trips are great for their marriages. When moms go away with their girlfriends, they talk about sex, a lot. Probably more than men do. Maybe they will learn something new, and come home to their husband armed with a new passion. If we never went away, it would just be missionary forever. YAWN!
Moms need to get away so that her family can find their own shit. How many times a week does your family ask you where something is? How many times a week do you feel like you are on the case like Kojak? And how many times a week is what they wanted literally right in front of them, but they never bothered to look at all. So if we don’t go away, and always find stuff for them, they will enter the work force and ask their boss, where is my briefcase or Do you know where I left that report. Then they will get fired, have to collect unemployment, won’t get a good reference from their old job because they think they are irresponsible, they probably will need to move back in to our homes, and develop a terrible crack problem because they feel bad about themselves. All because I was around too much finding their other shoe.
Mom trips are filled with a lot of laughter. Nothing better than sitting with your girlfriends at a long lunch, some cocktails, and just laughing. And because Laughter is the Best Medicine, Mom’s are healthier, they can better care for their families, and everyone is healthier, so no one needs to go to the doctor, so our insurance stays low, so moms going away helps with the national health care crisis.
Mind blown? Right? I can’t believe our candidates haven’t realized this is how to get the female vote.
Until they do, here are some suggestions of mini vacays you can do with your friends. First, know that your husband is capable. He can watch your kids for a night or two. And you will be fine without your kids for a few days too. And as amazing a mother as you are, other people can be amazing too with your kids.
Okay, so took care of guilt.
Try a road trip. You don’t have to get on a plane to feel away. Pick a hotel not too far from you. The more girls that you get, the cheaper the hotel room. Find a place that is relaxing, pack books, magazines, snacks, and spend your time focusing on you and your friends and have a kid free meal.
Or maybe have a girls’ sleepover at your house. Pick a house, you can rotate with your friends. Do spa day, rent movies, cook together. Sleep in. Have brunch. Even one fun night does wonders.
And always wear one of these.
Trust me on this. Take some girl time. Just take a look at these two women. The one on left, never went away alone. The right, every year.