The other day Scott and I were driving around and we saw a kid?s birthday party going on in the neighborhood park. Balloons were up and little kids were running around. We both said at the same time that we can?t believe we are done attending those types of parties. For a lot of years our weekends included this experience and now it?s done. And we continued to talk about all that is behind us with our kids and what is to come. 

We were talking but silently I was thinking to myself, you know what might never come again? My Period. Because ladies and the one gentleman reader I might have, this is the first month since I?m 14 that I have not gotten my period. And I?m kind of freaking out. Like, carrying a bag of tampons and liners in my bag everyday freaking out. What if it never comes again? Is this yet another thing, being taken away from me. Like the cute birthday parties, or my ability to read a menu? 

Why as we get older do we need so many reminders that things are changing, and not always for the better?

Don?t get me wrong, it?s not like I love my period. In reality, it has made me miserable every month, wanting to divorce Scott and take a long vacation. But it?s like the annoying kid in high school who really liked you and followed you around, but then just gave up. And then you?re like ?Wait, come here, how are you, what have you been up to??  

But for me like many other women my age, still getting our period means we can say we are still young.  That things aren?t completely over. That if we sweat at night it?s because the air wasn?t set cold enough, or we should have switched our comforter for the spring season. 

And not getting it means we are truly entering another stage of life. That maybe my dream of taking Julia to Coachella and partying together and sharing clothes and her instagraming the whole experience because she?s so proud of her youthful mom, maybe this dream is dried up like my menstrual cycle. 

So now what? I mourn, then google women who don?t have their period but are still killing it in life? Diane Keaton, she?s fun, but I just saw a movie preview where she becomes part of an old cheerleader troupe. Jane Fonda? Her metabolism seems to be serving her well, or is that a slight eating disorder.  Erica Jayne. She didn?t hit her stride in life till my age, but I can’t sing. (and I think she might still bleed) Ruth Bader Ginsburg, she’s so brilliant, but I can’t remember a lot from law school, I guess because my period helped my memory.

I?ll be ok. And I know I have so much great stuff ahead of me, like those pretty paper panties I see advertised. And I will still carry tampons, and ask young girls in restaurant bathrooms if they can spare one, and maybe wear white jeans every day to tempt it. 

But with all aging, I have to do what I have always done.  Cry, a lot. Seek more clarity. Then buy some sort of serum.