I’m not going to lie. This parenting thing has been kicking my ass lately. Of course, I will state the obvious. I love my kids, I love being a mom, yada yada yada. But sometimes, you go through a stretch, where the simplest comment from your husband, “Babe, I think we need to take Ben to the eye doctor, he’s squinting a lot, is met with a “ Ugh, why, I don’t want to go to another eye appointment. What does he really need to see?” Did I mention Ben just got his driver’s permit?
So when I saw a commercial for Passages, a rehab facility in the heart of Malibu, California, where the infinity pools, workout rooms and acupuncture are plentiful, my mind did wander. Why can’t there be a place like that for Parenting Rehab? A place where we can go and unwind, with support groups, and really good facials?
I can see so clearly what I would share in my support group sessions.
Hello, my name is Jen, and I’m a mom.
Hello Jen. You’re in a safe place. Feel free to tell us anything.
Ok, I feel pretty relaxed as I just came back from a Thai massage. So I begin.
Hello, My name is Jen and I told my 12year old to f?!k off when he called me annoying after I asked him about his test.
Hello, my name is Jen and I haven’t had a real conversation with my kid in three months. He lives down the hall.
Hello, my name is Jen, –
Um, Jen, you can stop telling us your name.
Oh, sorry, the movies make it look like it’s required.
Do you guys mind if keep saying it? It makes my admissions seem more sympathetic.
Hello, my name is Jen and I engaged in a screaming match with my 11yr old daughter about the non-combination of crop tops and boy shorts.
Hello my name is Jen and my kid told me I was a bad mom for not typing his science project after he bragged about finishing nine seasons of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia. Oh yeah, hello, my name is Jen, and I let my young son watch It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
Hello, my name is Jen and I hid all my kids’ shoes because they kept leaving them all over the floor. Now they live like the Flinstones.
Hello, my name is Jen and I told my kid he needs to grow a set because he was complaining about a sore throat and I couldn’t bear to go to the pediatrician again.
Hello, my name is Jen and I went to pour a glass of wine. It was 9:30am.
Do they have some sort of dual enrollment rehab program here?
Ahh! I feel so much better. Off to pool pilates class.