I have ripped off every one of my fake nails. I am definitely drinking more this week. I am breaking out. I am on edge, calling my best friend an asshole when she asks me where we should have lunch.
?What?s wrong Jen?? I am sure you are asking.
Camp trunk packing. I would rather get waxed in public.
Three kids, two trunks each.
Listen, this isn?t my first time at the rodeo. I have been packing trunks for a while now. I can do it. What makes it so stressful is my kids. They don?t help.
Honey, can you please bring me 15 pairs of underwear?
I don?t have any. None fits. I told you.
Honey, you never told me that.
Yes I did.
No you didn?t. What have you been wearing if they don?t fit?
I have been in pain.
Okay, I?ll get you more.
Honey #2, can you try on these jeans I bought you.
How do you know?
They look like they would.
Okay, I?ll get another pair, same size.
Honey # 3
Can I have bathing suits you like?
I don?t need bathing suits.
Don?t you swim?
What are you going to wear?
He looks up from Minecraft. Wear for what?
I have been to Old Navy, Bed, Bath, & Beyond (which should be called Bed, Bath, & Beyond Annoying when I don?t have coupons). I have been to Target so much I find myself saying to the nice store clerk, ?Hey Bernice, how?s your sciatica doing??
If my kids would have just helped me a little. Tried on their underwear, realized that ill-fitting jeans aren?t comfortable on the man parts and can affect their future sperm count, and that Free Swim has to do with some kind of swimming and requires bathing suits, then maybe they wouldn?t be the kids in a few weeks stealing from their friends? laundry bags.
So I give up. I?m getting my nails done, taking my friend to an I?m sorry lunch, and placing my very light trunks on the back porch for pick-up.