Last weekend I was having a conversation with girlfriends about Facebook. We were laughing about the different ways people use it and their reasons behind it. Let me preface this judgmental yet lighthearted post by saying that I think Facebook is wonderful. It allows people to connect in so many ways. And I wouldn?t have known about Kim K?s engagement otherwise.
But you have to admit that people?s posts can be interpreted in so many ways.
The Birthday Post To Their Child:
?Two years ago you came into my life and changed it forever. You have grown to be the most wonderful caring child. Thank you for all that you do. Happy 2nd birthday. I love you.?
Reading between the lines:
1. Their kid is in Mensa, has been using those Your Baby Can Read Videos since birth, and can read and appreciate this message.
2. These parents lied about kid’s age to get him a Facebook account.
3. The mom?s own birthday sucked and she wants a do over.
The Passage Aggressive Post:
?I have learned in life that the apple doesn?t fall far from the tree.?
After deep investigation:
1. This author loves apples and is happy they don?t fall far.
2. She is playing Cranium and this phrase earned 10 points.
3. She is calling a young girl a bitch like her Mom.
To this post?s author, if it?s #3, and I feel like it is, try this. I circle the playground and stare down my daughter?s enemy. Then, I make sure to bring just enough donuts to run out at the perfect moment.
The Spiritual Post
?Sometimes you have to make mistakes the first time around to know what?s right.?
This one is a no brainer. She went too small on the implants and realized after that she should have gone bigger. (I know. I am that good. Just call me Nancy Drew for my investigative skills and my love of tweed blazers and knee socks.)
My Next Facebook Status Update:
- I am an amazing cook and want to make you feel bad that you’ve ordered in for three consecutive nights.
- I am dieting and this pic is a cry for help.
- I chaperoned a 4th grade field trip for eleven hours in the Everglades, in 90 degree weather, and I deserved cheese.