Humor, Husbands, Relationships,

A Mom Rewrites Her Wedding Vows

Scott and I recently celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary.  Every year we look at each other and agree that we can?t believe we’ve been together for so long.  I still pass study hall notes to him at the dinner table.


On our wedding day, we had a traditional wedding.  We were pronounced man and wife, kissed, and did the Macarena.

I have two regrets from that day.  (three, if I count the Macarena) One, that when we consummated our marriage, it could have been a little more romantic if the two of us weren?t so drunk to get me out of my dress, needing to rip the rhinestone buttons off my illusion dress. Two, that we didn?t write our own vows.  Mentally, we were probably both thinking, ?Ready? Okay, me too.?

But now I am forty-one, and I have to believe that I have evolved.  That if I could write my vows for my 1996 wedding, they would go something like this:


I promise to love you and honor you in sickness and in health.

I promise to love your family as my own.

I promise you will be the best dad.

I promise to help you find your keys and wallet every day of our lives.

I promise to not want to murder you when I am mid-pee, realize you didn?t replace the roll, I scream, ?babe, babe, babe? with no answer, run to the cabinet to get more without dripping, and refill it myself.

I promise to respond, ?Yes, I totally was thinking that I wanted to do that,? when you ask , ?Honey, can I have a —-?

I promise to sometimes agree with you even if I don?t.

I promise to love you even when I kick you under the table at dinner with friends, and you turn to me and say, ?What??

I promise to talk to you about my inability to poop at least four days a week.

I promise to hide my shopping packages to protect you.

I promise to tell you I love your gray hair.

I promise tell you good girl gossip.

I promise to stay true to the young girl you married, it just might get expensive and painful.

I promise that if I think you need to lose a few, I will be sensitive and say, ?Babe, you look like you are four months along.?

I promise that we will be happy.  Even when we are in diapers.

I promise to change yours for you.


Tags: happy marriages, husbands, relationships, vows,