So I got a sonogram Monday morning to check on my fun medical issue I have. Nothing serious. But the most fun part of it was the technician telling me how gassy I was and that it was making it difficult to get a reading. She also made sure to share that she read my last report and it too basically complained of my gassiness.
What can I say. It?s true. I?m a pretty gassy person. I told her it was my IBS, which I do have, but as I lay there, my belly all gelled up, I thought about my weekend of indulgence.
I had taken my daughter to the Miami Beach Serendipity, and I didn?t want her and her friend to eat nachos alone, (cause it’s depressing, trust me) so I dug in. And the restaurant is famous for their frozen hot chocolate , and even though Julia’s friend would say I hogged it, I would say I enjoyed it.
Sunday night we were exhausted, so I made pizza, and I ate a lot, because I knew I had to fast before my sonogram for one whole hour, and I didn?t want to starve, so I packed it in like a bear in winter.
Add a little sushi I had for Sunday lunch, a little wine, and I looked like I was expecting enough babies to have my own show, Jen Plus Ten.
So now what? It?s Monday, what do I do to restart my body, deflate my belly like Tom Brady does with his balls, and overall feel better and make better choices?
1) Lose the alcohol for a little: Now I know for some moms, you say, “why don’t you just take away oxygen while you’re at it?”, but alcohol can really bloat you, and even one glass of wine can cloud your judgment so that you think you are bonding with your son by eating cake with him.
2) Increase your water intake: First thing in the morning, before anything else, even before you attempt to offer sexual favors to your husband in exchange for school lunches, you should drink at least one glass of water with lemon. It is cleansing for your body, and it fills you up a little so that you don’t say stuff like, “Can I have a nonfat latte, and is that lemon in the scone?”
3)Make exercise a priority: I hate exercising. Screw the endorphins. I want to look good and not do anything to get there. I also want my kids to appreciate me. Ladies, it is more likely that a unicorn will come in and do your dishes. You must exercise. You think Kate Hudson gets that ass from sitting around on her ass watching Real Housewives and eating Sour Patch Kids? She doesn’t. I researched. If we tell our kids to work hard and they will get results, we have to tell ourselves the same thing. So find what you like, or at least can tolerate, and incorporate it into your weekly schedule. Sometimes I work out at home on my eliptical, and save my favorite shows to watch while on it, sometimes I’ll do a video, or catch a yoga class. Trust me, you will feel better, and maybe make better choices in your diet because you are exercising.
4)Say no to certain foods: Listen, if I could eat nachos, pizza, and Ben and Jerry’s every day, I would. But it’s not healthy, I gain weight, and then I yell at Scott, because I figure out a way it’s his fault. But we all know to stay fit and healthy takes sacrifice, or everyone would be fit and healthy. There really isn’t a magic diet. Sure I’ve juiced, you gain it all back as soon as you eat lettuce, I’ve done lemon cayenne syrup, you become a crazy person. I really think moderation is key, and you need to listen to your body when you don’t feel good after you eat something. For me, if I tell myself not to eat anything that comes out of a bag, like pita chips, potato chips, etc. it takes a lot of guessing out of what to eat. If I don’t eat carbs after 4pm, I don’t feel bloated in the morning. If I make sure to have salad with my meal, I know I have gotten the necessary greens for my diet. I really don’t think it’s rocket science, and if you need guidance and motivation, maybe invest in meeting with a nutritionist.
If you try these tips at least during the School Weeek, on the weekends you can indulge a little more. I mean, the funnels aren’t going to drink themselves, are they?