You know you need a break from the everyday when you start offering sexual favors to your hubby if he would agree to take one of your kids to team pictures.
You say prostitute, I say tired mommy. Actually, I?m not even that tired. I just didn?t want to fill out another picture form. Really, I want to be done filling out all forms. But the picture day forms are the most annoying, and then you have to wait in the Florida hot sun for your turn, be really encouraging to your kid, and convince him that his picture is going to turn out great. But I am never sure they will turn out great. I mean, you always hope for the best and then sometimes their pictures come, and well, how do I say this? Not my kids? best.
So yes, I traded my body for an extra cup of coffee at home. Judge if you must, but I am sure if you are a mom, you have either done the same thing I have, or wished you had my depravity to do so.
I guess I could have just been honest with my kid, and told him I hate picture day. The truth will set you free, right? So I compiled a list of other things I would like to be truthful about with my kids…if telling them wouldn?t mess them up for life:
1: Lay off the chicken fingers, you?re starting to get a gut.
2: Your flower pictures could be better.
3: Please stop singing, you are kind of ruining the song for me.
4: Seriously, how hard is it to memorize spelling words?
5: Sometimes when you talk, I am terrified you are going to live in my spare room forever.
6: Stop asking me to pay you back $20.00 when you owe me $300, 592.17, and how about throwing in a little gas money, too?
7: When you wake up in the morning, your breath brings actual tears to my eyes.
8. Hey Einstein, from the time you call and ask, “Can you pick me up?” it takes more than seven seconds door to door.
9. I love you more than life itself, and you are perfect!!!!
Come on, fess up, what would you love to tell your kids?