So let me catch you up a bit. I haven?t written in a few weeks. If you?ve been with me for a while you know how much I love my family summer vacations. This summer our trip was San Francisco, Yosemite, and Monterey. San Francisco was great. We were the perfect tourists, saw all the great spots, and convinced the kids that everything they were seeing was super famous. The best part, we were getting along great unless someone tried to interrupt Julia at any point of the trip.
Off to Yosemite. We had a perfect plan. We would see all the sites in the park with the main goal achieving the perfect family photo where I would portray the sexy outdoorsy mom.
The morning of our tour as I was getting dressed, I experienced crazy back pain. Initially, I thought I had pulled something trying to get my new lululemon bra on. Those can be tricky. But the pain increased so quickly I wanted a bear from Yosemite to walk into my hotel room, and say, ?Listen, I could take care of her right now if you want.?
Yada yada yada, I?m in ICU for a few days.
Obviously, I had a lot of time to think as I barely slept. Seriously, hospital beds should be placed in every federal prison as additional punishment.
1) I kind of like the commode they put next to my bed. It?s really quite convenient and I wasn?t as grossed out as I should have been. Should I get one for home?
2) I am quite comfortable peeing in front of complete strangers. I totally could have fit in at Woodstock.
3) I looove pain medication. I think I may have been overstating my pain to get it. Am I like Courtney Love?
4) Why am I always asking for the pain meds when Ethan Hawke?s Before Midnight movie trailer comes on the TV?
5) If Gisele was in ICU, would she look ugly?
6) Am I never going to try Taco Bell?
7) I will never watch Beaches again.
8) Getting a sponge bath by another woman is not sexy.
9) Is no one ever going to tell me I have a good voice?
10) I can watch four hours straight of King of Queens and be very happy.
11) I feel pretty lucky.
So I guess life changes up your plans sometimes. There are many ways to read what happened to me. Maybe it?s a sign that wilderness and I don?t mix. Maybe it?s a sign that I need to take it a little easier.
Or maybe it happened so I could finally experience one of those edible fruit baskets where my pineapple is shaped like a flower.
Whatever it is, I have more time to think about it as I plan on never having to walk from my bed all the way to the bathroom again.