I am a movie person and am very excited for This is 40 to come out. It is a follow up to Judd Apatow’s Knocked Up and focuses on the Leslie Mann/Paul Rudd relationship and her character turning forty. Every time I see the trailer I laugh out loud and totally relate.
The reality is, so much of what is going on with all of us at this age is universal. We can live in different parts of the country, be in different socioeconomic groups, practice different religions, but we share so much in common by the mere fact that we are women in our forties. So I have compiled a list of things I am experiencing at this stage in my life. I hope you are too, because I will feel really insecure if I am the only one.
1. I feel like I am in some sort of Matrix movie where time is traveling faster just for me.
2. Every morning I wake up and have a new eye crease.
3. I blame the daylight savings time change for getting tired at 6:00pm.
4. I look at cute high school boys and wonder if they think I am cute.
5. If I don’t work out, and eat the spinach dip at Houston’s, I gain five pounds.
6. I live for my husband of sixteen years, but still think of ways to kill him and not be featured on CBS’ 48hrs.
7. I say, “Your mom is really cool” to my kids at least three times a week.
8. I secretly dislike any girl in their twenties.
9. I lie in magazine tests when they ask me my age.
10. I do not tip the Starbucks barista if he addresses me as “mam” or “miss”.
11. I say things to my dermatologist like, “Can you make my skin look like Olivia Palermo’s from The City?”
12. Regrettably, I relate to Modern Family more than The City.
13. I talk to other couples on our Saturday nights about their colonoscopies.
14. I get colonoscopies!
15. I walk around in lulu lemon.
16. I have been attending more funerals than weddings.
17. I am scared to go into a club and look old, and wait in line, and then not have courage to tell the doorman, “You are just a doorman. Doorman, Doorman.”
18. I overuse the phrase “next stage of life”.
19. I don’t think “You look good for having three kids” is a compliment.
20. I could see on Monday, and on Tuesday I read the medicine bottle and it said that I could take six Advil at once.
21. I have read Mommy porn.
22. I have told my husband we need to get Long Term Health Care, cause I know he won’t change my diaper when we get really old.
Truth is, I am fine with my age. Really, really fine. Never better. Really!