Got a call from my friend recently. She informed me that my daughter told her daughter what sex was. “It’s when a guy and a girl make out under the covers” Julia explained to her friend. I was of course a little embarrassed, as I recalled that Julia may have learned that when I was watching a rerun of Sex and The City, edited for E channel. Note to self, don’t let Julia watch Samantha scenes.
Then, yesterday, my girlfriend received a text from a friend, “thanking” her for her son explaining to her daughter what a condom was. “It’s what you use when you don’t want babies, and if you just want to have sex with friends for fun.”
Now I am sure some of you are appalled, but there is something to be learned from these stories that are both mortifying, and a little funny. If your kids are discussing sex, there may be a need for “The Talk”.
My rule is this. If your kids are asking questions, curious about how babies are made, or asking you what sex is because they heard about it from friends, I think you can talk to them about it. Actually, you need to talk to them about it. Cause one day, you are going to get a charge on your credit card from a website and accuse your husband of being some sort of weirdo, then realize you kid is pretty crafty with a credit card. So I’ve been told.
Here’s the thing. As your kids reach a certain age, they will talk about these things with their friends. My friend used to tell her kids that babies were made from a baby kiss. “Mommy and Daddy kiss, and then comes baby.” I finally told her as they were about to go to sleep away camp that she better tell them the truth. I pictured all of these boys talking about sex, and her son raising his hand confidently, “Guys, guys, I know about sex and babies, it all comes down to a baby kiss.”
Of course, depending on the age of your kids, you need to frame the discussion appropriately, ranging from very technical explanations about baby-making, to discussions with your older kids about their feelings, changes in their bodies, and how to be responsible. I think there are some great books to consult on this, such as The Girls Body Book (and Boys), amazon.com, or ask your pediatrician about how deal with this discussion.
There is also an upside to these talks for you. Real glass half full moments. You can get the most hilarious comments back from your kids. “Daddy gets to do that to you whenever he wants?” Or, “that’s gross, I am never doing that.” Or, “You don’t have to tell me, I know, you take the car, and you park it in the garage.”
I think knowledge is power. Unfortunately, in this day and age, there is too much information from the media, internet, etc. Our kids are learning about sex in health class, or even better, Teen Mom. So whether you are pro-abstinence, or hope to be a really young grandmother, it is important for your kids to know about sex and their bodies.
Let them know that they can always come talk to you about any of their questions. Hopefully, we have the answers. I think there might be new stuff!