I just got back from my mother daughter trip to Los Angeles. It was great. Real mother daughter bonding. Even with her zingers like,
Mom, you say the word ?dainty? a lot.
Mom, did you just fart?
Mom, are you going to wear that?
Mom, Mom, I can?t sleep because you are snoring so loud.
Mom, who is John Stamos?
But when you go on a trip with your daughter and spend so much time together, one on one, it really gets you to start thinking about the impact you have on her life. I mean, a mom can really mess up her daughter. Just attend any cheer or dance competition, and you know there are going to be some f?d up twirlers and hip hop dancers in the future.
So I get it. Every word I utter in front of Julia, she will learn something from me. I really have a huge responsibility here. Listen, I take my job as a mother very seriously. And even though I already exhibited my vast wisdom about life in Seven Things To Teach Your Daughter, now that Julia and I are ?so LA? I had to go a step further. And I don?t want to brag, but I think I nailed this parenting thing on a whole other level. Because I realized, everything I need to teach Julia about life can be learned from the Hollywood movies:
I don’t want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don’t want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don’t want to do that.-Say Anything
If somebody doesn’t believe in me, I can’t believe in them-Pretty In Pink
….Everywhere you go has valet-Clueless
If a guy doesn’t call you, he doesn’t want to call you-He?s Just Not That Into You
Men and women can?t be friends?.-When Harry Met Sally
Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer-Godfather II
Listen to me. You can’t hide from love for the rest of your life because maybe it won’t work out… maybe you’ll become unglued? It’s just not a way to live?Something?s Gotta Give
Nobody puts baby in the corner-Dirty Dancing
There are two kinds of evil people in this world. Those who do evil stuff and those who see evil stuff being done and don?t try to stop it.-Mean Girls
NO wire hangers, ever!!- Mommie Dearest
Do you poke smot?-It?s Complicated
It reminds me of that old joke- you know, a guy walks into a psychiatrist’s office and says, hey doc, my brother’s crazy! He thinks he’s a chicken. Then the doc says, why don’t you turn him in? Then the guy says, I would but I need the eggs. I guess that’s how I feel about relationships. They’re totally crazy, irrational, and absurd, but we keep going through it because we need the eggs-Annie Hall
We’re all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it, that’s all. ?Breakfast Club
You know, it was just so interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited, and so thrilled all together! Some didn’t like it. They went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it.-Parenthood
On Wednesdays, we wear pink-Mean Girls
I know. You all are probably like, ?Julia is so lucky, My mom never told me any of this stuff.”
Now if only Julia could appreciate her John Stamos/Blackie/Uncle Jessie LA sighting. It’s exhausting! A mother?s job is never done.