Aging, Humor,

My About To Turn Forty Bucket List

Just got back from Universal Studios. Have been there more times than I can remember, but have never purchased a turkey leg.  Maybe because I am a pescatarian.  But I always wanted to get one and hold it.  I told Scott we needed to buy five turkey legs and photograph ourselves.  But after five hundred times riding Spiderman and The Simpsons, our turkey leg moment never came.  I was sad.  Not even seeing other people enjoying their turkey legs with one hand, while professionally navigating their motorized scooter with the other could cheer me up.

I need to cross turkey legs off my list.  Come to think of it, I have to buckle down and write a list.  I will call it my Holy Shit, I Am About To Turn Forty In A Month And A Half Bucket List.

1.  Buy turkey legs

2.  Have a Pretty Woman Moment.  I have it all planned out.  I will go into a fancy store with no makeup, sweats, hair in a scrunchie.  I will ask for help and they won?t give it to me.  I will return the next day all pretty and dressed.  I will buy a ton of things, definitely a hat because I need to walk out with a hat box.  I will approach the sales lady,

?Remember me, you wouldn?t help me yesterday.?

?Uh Mam, I was home with the flu yesterday, it wasn?t me.?

?Big mistake,? I say, waving my bags and hat box,  ?Big mistake!?

3. Run into an ex-boyfriend who broke my heart.  I will look amazing.  Hair and makeup done, fresh toxins in my face.  He will approach, ?Hi Jen, wow it?s been a long time.?  I look at him, ?I?m so sorry, do we know each other??

4. Get my husband to tell me he doesn?t deserve me.

5. Get my daughter to tell me she wants to grow up to be just like me, with a less jiggly butt, and have my boys tell me they want to meet a girl just like me.

6. Remember to go to the drycleaners for two weeks in a row.

7. Skip going to the grocery store deli counter for a full week.

8.  Get carded at the liquor store, even if I have to pay the store clerk to ask me for my id.

9. Go to a Zumba class and not look ridiculous.

10.  Be a Scientologist and hang out at their Celebrity Center.

11.  Confront a mean girl and use Jack Nicholson?s line from a Few Good Men, ?You can?t handle the truth!!”

And finally, not stay in bed all day on my 40th birthday sobbing, questioning my whole existence, and my obsession with the turkey leg.

***What’s on your bucket list?  Do you think we should all have one?

Tags: funny stuff, moms, turning forty,