Humor, Husbands,

Oh No! My Husband Has The Sniffles

Husbands babies when sick

It?s happened sooner than I expected.  I mean, I know it?s coming by December, and not ending until around April, but I was a little surprised for it now.  Thank goodness I am always prepared.  Scott came home today with the well known, ?I am not feeling that great, I think I have a cold, ?I am going to lay down.?

Now I hope by now you know by now that I am not a cold bitch, but I can?t express to you enough how much I hate when my husband doesn?t feel well.  And I am sure you can guess why.  Men are unbelievable babies when they get sick and extremely dramatic!  Like a very special episode of Grey?s Anatomy dramatic.  So I then become special guest star Meryl Streep, the comforting nurse.  ?Babe, I see a bright light.?  ?You?re fine, that?s just the light from the TV, SportsCenter has been on for two days.?

?Babe, you okay?  You need anything??  ?Maybe some water, and do we have any fruit??  ?Sure babe, we have apples, grapes, and strawberries.? ?Any watermelon, or any other type of melon??  ?No, sorry babe, but grapes are hydrating, would you like a bowl of grapes??  I head downstairs to fetch Scott a bowl of thirst quenching grapes, wondering if I should look into a Jamba Juice franchise just in case a nasty cold should hit us again.

I bring up fresh water and the fruit, and then it begins.  ?It?s so weird, I was fine all day.  Then I played tennis, was sweating, and then the clubhouse was freezing.  Do you think I can get sick from the cold clubhouse??  I listen intently, imagining I am from that old Fox Network show House where every week they would discover an inexplicable illness.  ?Maybe babe, you can definitely get a chill from the clubhouse, or maybe you are really dehydrated.?

Sometimes, I like to, in my head, reverse the scenario.  Let?s say I come home and say, ?Babe, you wouldn?t believe how hot it was outside. I had to park so far from the mall, and then when I got to Bloomingdales, it was freezing!!! I think I am going to lay down.?  I am guessing that wouldn?t fly so well considering I haven?t been able to live down that three-hour nap I took a month ago.

The truth is, I am fine with this pattern in our marriage, and I have come to terms with the fact that my husband, like most, will milk their illnesses more than we ever would.  I now find it extremely entertaining when Scott and I play a game, of, ?Does she really care about me, or is she faking it??

And I like to try to coax him out of bed, telling him I just found the golden ticket and we have to go to the Chocolate Factory Tour.

P.S. Scott ended up having a fever and stomach bug, which was great, cause he kept breathing on me, and I had a stubborn two pounds to lose.  My reward, I guess, for being such a good nurse!

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