I caught Sex and The City 2 on TV the other day and I figured out why I never liked it. One, I missed Sarah Jessica?s mole. Two, it makes me feel ancient when I see how old Samantha has gotten. I loved the show. Loved the first movie. But the sequel was like when I lost my virginity. It was so hyped up, I was so excited, and then when it was over, I asked ?Was that it? Not much happened.? I wasn?t even sure I wanted to revisit the experience.
I think what bothered me most about the movie was Carrie?s take on her marriage. At two years she was bored and unhappy. Complaining that the excitement was gone. She kissed Aidan and wore ridiculous clothes in the Middle East.
She seemed spoiled and ungrateful. Is our generation of married couples like this? Do we expect so much from our marriages that we complain too much and don?t appreciate the little things we do for each other?
I might be guilty of this sometimes. I complain to Scott that he should do more romantic gestures like regularly lining the floor with rose petals when I arrive home.
So I decided to consult with the experts on what makes a marriage work and stand the test of time. To me, experts aren?t the people who conduct studies on what makes a happy marriage. Experts are the people living in happy marriages.
My experts are Scott?s parents, married 46 years, and mine, about to approach their 45th. Pretty remarkable considering sometimes Scott and I will argue and I don?t think I can make it to Friday. So I asked them their secrets. Here they are:
1. It’s all a mindset- We’re getting married and that’s it!! Our most important shared value is keeping the solidarity of our family in tact.
2. A little memory loss can work in your favor. It’s always better to forget words said in the heat of an argument – no matter now angry you get, “don’t go for the jugular.? Once you say it, it’s out there. Have respect for one another and always keep open lines of communication to avoid these altercations in the first place.
3. No matter what stage you are in your relationship, for women and men, keep yourself well groomed, well dressed, and attractive for your mate. (translation, regular waxing appointments and regular pants)
4. Enjoy free time together. For everyone it’s different. Some have to go places; shows, dinners, travel, etc. For others it may be as simple as watching a Yankee game with Chinese Food on the couch. Make an effort to enjoy alone time, no kids.
5. Always and forever maintain your independence.!!!!!! Independence is an attitude, a state of mind, and is the basis for accepting each other as individuals.
Pretty amazing? Right? And to think this is coming from people who freeze their Tropicana Orange Juice for up to six months, and put their car signal on a good two miles before their left turn.
Thanks Moms and Dads!
Jen Ross, Author, ?Don?t Wear Sweats Or Your Husband Will Leave You?