As you know, I love vacations. Hate the packing, always forget a toothbrush, my razor, and my favorite tank. So I look uncute and stubbly. I digress. I usually like going away with just my family. I have never been into group trips. I am always scared of the other families? dynamics. Would they match with mine? Would their vacation rules mesh with ours?
I have also heard horror stories about good friends going away together, then coming back enemies.
But this Labor Day weekend we are going with another family to St. Augustine. Why there? You ask. Because my friend and I are Mother Schmuckers and our kids wanted to go because they didn?t go with their school. And eight months ago it seemed like a jolly idea, and now we are here, and realize it is a five-hour car ride, and the hotel reviews on Trip Advisor hint at bed bugs.
But the bugs are not my biggest fear. Here?s the thing, I like this girl, I like her husband, I like her kids, what if I don?t like being away with them? It could end badly, and then I have two empty seats at my son?s Bar Mitzvah!
My vacation etiquette is simple:
1) No over-scheduling. If I don?t see every single tourist attraction somewhere, I won?t go home with regrets. Let?s see the highlights. And besides, my family is going to lie to people about what we saw. (See Vacation Peer Pressure)
2) Don?t judge me. A mimosa is a morning drink. There is no start and stop time for a cocktail on vacation.
3) Set time out for cute local shops. I am not looking for shells or t-shirts that say St. Augustine. I want to remember my trip when I wear my adorable new dress.
4) Let me tell your kid he is acting like an asshole. You can call my kids assholes.
5) Be a team player. Majority rules. If you want to go back to the hotel, and the rest of us truly believe Ponce De Leon?s Fountain of Youth works, let us swim laps in it, and wait.
6) Be casual about mealtime. We might eat early, we might eat late, we might just eat funnel cake. You have to eat funnel cake too. We gain vacation weight together. No one comes back skinnier than the other.
And finally, no fanny packs. A complete deal breaker.
See! We are easy!!!