Aging, Humor, Mommy Lessons,

With “Friends Like This”

I am forty years old and have had a monthly visitor since I was thirteen.  When you first get your period, you are instructed to call it your ?friend?.  As I grew older, I always questioned this.  Why would this be my friend?  My friend made me feel terrible.   My friend made me fall asleep at 6pm. In recent years, every time my friend visits I look in the mirror and my face changes and distorts before my eyes and I am the ugliest person on earth. When my friend is with me, I look at least four months pregnant.  Although, I do have to admit I have sometimes used this to my advantage to get a seat in a crowded airport.  A little rub of the belly and no one questions it.

But the bad part is when my kids will say ?you look fat? and I have to explain, ?oh, my friend is visiting and she loves to go out for Dairy Queen.?

My friend also causes problems between my husband and me.  Every time she visits I question whether I ever loved him.  She makes me hate him!!  She makes me see all of his annoying qualities.  Even if there aren?t any.

So after twenty-seven years I am looking to get the upper hand with my friend.

  1. If you know when your friend visits, beef up your workouts the week before and drink a ton of water. This will help combat the bloating and your real friends won?t ask if you are registered at Babies R Us.
  2. Not sure if this happens to you, but before my period I break out and I could be the before pictures of a Proactiv commercial.  Exfoliate your skin at least twice the week before and apply a mask at least once that week.
  3. Warn your husband.  Tell him you don?t mean anything you say and he should ignore the Google searches for divorce lawyers.
  4. The over the counter medicines like Pamprin and Midol can alleviate some of the fatigue and cramps.

I think these tips will help you too.  And because I am a glass full person, I do see positive things about my friend.  Having her in my life still makes me feel young, and I will have plenty of experience when my daughter is introduced to her friend.I figure we will have an amicable break up in about ten years.

Tags: menstrual cycle, moms, women's health,