So much in recent weeks about the 50 Shades trilogy, I thought I would offer my two cents.
I had a friend who recommended the books to me. Told me they would make me horny. Yada Yada Yada, I read them at record speed, didn’t answer the phone, ignored my children. They are fine.
I thought the books were unbelievably stupid. How many conversations can two people have about whether they have eaten and if they want to take a bath. How many people can have sex seven times a day, with the girl still pathetically saying, “I feel distance between us.”
Having said all of that, I will admit that the descriptive sex scenes were hot, I did get a little special feeling in my sex, as I guess this is what British people call their parts.
I started thinking of different scenarios of what my life would be like if I applied things in my real life that I learned from the book. Like I would be in the deli counter line, they call my number to order, and the silver balls fall out from under my skirt. “I’d like a pound of Boars Head turkey”, I’d say, stonefaced.
I would look at Scott sometimes while I was reading and think, “we could always put an addition on the house for our “playroom”.
But maybe we should be a little crazier. Maybe instead of Tuesdays where he’s on top, we should have me on top. Maybe when we get home from a party, I shouldn’t take the twenty minutes it takes to wash my face before we go at it. Stuff like that.
But then I thought of something else. Now I do love this whole girl sorority thing this book has created. Those who have read the series have a special wink and handshake. We have code words, and I am in charge of getting special robes. I am also in charge of sewing special patches on the robes depending upon what place you are in the series.
I am now thinking of submitting an amendment to the sorority. What if we let our guys read sections from the book? I imagine they will read the sections, and see us in a whole new light. I imagine my husband will be impressed that I have been so obsessed with these books, or maybe he will get all Rush Limbaugh on me and call me a “dirty slut”. Either way ladies, it’s a win, win.
We have all gotten something different out of reading these books. For me, they mostly reminded me that after fifteen years of marriage, I still want to have sex with my husband….
and that I need to take a trip to my local hardware store.
Jen Ross, Author, “Don’t Wear Sweats Or Your Husband Will Leave You”