A Mom’s Confessions

I can?t believe I am confessing this.  It is around 3am, and I am in line to purchase dance recital tickets.  I am like those moms I make fun in when I play the Crazy Mom Board Game.  What is wrong with me?  Is this how I get my thrills now?  By being number four in line to get tickets for my daughter?s three minute dance?  She does have a solo one armed roundoff in the end though.

But really, this makes me questions my whole psyche.  What if I have been crazy my whole life and no one has told me?

So as I sit here at three in the morning, praying I am not killed by a late nighter from the nearby Waffle House; you be the judge:

and I will quote Usher: These are my confessions:

1. I do not like Julia Roberts.  Always found her irritating, never thought she was America?s sweetheart.

2. Every time I am in the movies with my kids, and there is a lone man sitting there, I think he is some sort of terrorist or serial killer.

3. I don?t know what my husband?s favorite color is, or how many girls he has been with.  I don?t care, but I feel weird that I don?t care.

4. I don?t think there is anything good about being forty.  I?d rather have less of this wisdom everyone tells me is coming.  I want to be young and stupid.

5. I discriminate against people who back their cars into parking spaces.  Why do they need to back in?

6. I don?t believe in farting in front of my husband.  My stomach hurts all of the time.  Coincidence?

7. I can?t believe I need to exercise for the rest of my life!  I am squeezing my butt in my chair right now.

8. I think about eye cream a few times a day.

9. I ask my husband every Saturday night when we get home if he thinks the couple we went out with thought I was funny.

10. I want to live life as a blonde for one year.

Enough confessing.  They just called my number.  Score!! I am third row center.  Eat that, moms who slept in.  I guess we know the answer to my crazy question.  But I will be crazy without binoculars at the recital.

Tags: confessions, funny moms, mom humor,