You know how I feel about Oprah, (See Oprah Why So Deep?) so I won?t ever call what I had an Aha! moment. Let?s call it a, “Holy shit! That?s what has been pissing me off the whole time moment.” I was having a conversation with my girlfriend yesterday. We were talking about our husbands of course, and we discovered that they do the same thing to piss us off. They ask us questions about what we are doing. Can you imagine?
I don?t want to speak for my friend, so I will tell you what my husband does. He questions my judgment. I don?t like that very much. For example, if my kid has a cold or cough or some other ailment, he will want to know why I haven?t taken them to the doctor yet. If I tell my kids they need to shower at night, he will tell them they can wait till morning. If I get angry at my kids when they come home with a grade less than their capability, I may be accused of being too hard on them.
Have I mentioned that I don?t like to be told I do anything wrong? Let?s just say that if I were in a job interview, and they asked me, ?What is your worst quality?? I would use the old favorite, ?I try to do everything right, and please don?t tell me I don?t.?
So I realized something when I was talking to my friend, and we were complaining that as women, even if we have jobs outside the home, the majority of us are usually the ones to deal with the doctors, and the tests, and the friend issues, and their eating habits, and of course, these tasks are sometimes annoying.
I realized that maybe we resent our husband?s input on these things and may become unreasonably annoyed with them because there is a perceived division of labor. They have their jobs, and we, as moms have ours. And if we are already annoyed with some of the things we have to do, we don?t want them over our shoulders telling us we are doing them wrong. It?s like having HR calling us into their office on a daily basis. ?We see from your file that your child has a runny nose, and you have decided to treat it yourself. What do you have to say about that? We are going to have to keep this on your permanent record.? I guess you could compare it to a dental hygenist/dentist dynamic. The dental hygenist really gets in there, she spends her time with the patient, it’s sometimes gross and unpleasant. She does a great job cleaning the teeth and talking to the patient. At the very end, the dentist comes in, checks the mouth, and says, “Oh, you missed a little plaque on the bicuspids.”
?Oh, Jen, you are unreasonable. Of course husbands can have a say.? I agree with you, imaginary blog voice. But I am having an important moment here. I just think women have the right to be a little sensitive when someone comes in and tells them their job performance may be less than stellar, even if it sometimes is.
And just because my kid ended up having strep, I am still giving myself a promotion.