Well. It?s been a few weeks since the inception of my experiment. (See Mom’s Very Own Science Fair) And what can I say? We under-performed like the Yankees. We were going for the championship, and we got swept in the second round.
That?s right. My hypothesis was correct. I went for three mozzarella sticks, then other entrees got in the way.
Like the Yankees, we just didn?t have our mental game strong enough. Sure, we started out with the best intentions, but after day 3, kid in the bed. Then we were back to it day 4. Then I fell asleep standing up day 5.
To my defense, I am stressed out. Nothing is more of a libido killer than planning a Bar Mitzvah. All my passion has been for cocktail napkins with my son?s initials, or thinking up cute ways to serve candy to the kids. My mind is consumed with whether I will have a bloated belly for my dress that doesn?t allow one. I am making lists upon lists of things to do.
So yes, those are variables in our experiment that we may have discounted. We got distracted, we got stressed, and we got tired. I say “we”, but I think Scott could have won a ribbon in this Science Fair.
But this is not all for nothing. I did come out of this with a conclusion. Even if you don?t go ten or fourteen consecutive days of sex, it?s okay. But you have to pay attention to how many you go without. Cause whether it?s the wife or husband, someone is always paying attention.
And I have to know that all this shit I am dealing with for the Bar Mitzvah won?t keep me warm at night like my guy. Unless I have a lot of leftover cocktail napkins. I could maybe keep warm under a bunch of those. Shit, what if no one uses the cocktail napkins? What if no one drinks or eats?
You see. Did we ever have a chance?