How do I know I am a good mom?

When you think about it, there are few things that we know for certain we can do, and were taught to do a certain way.  Like riding a bike, tying our shoes, driving a car.

But, are we ever taught how to be a good mom?

Growing up, I was lucky I had a good mom.  Love unconditionally, stayed up with me while I finished my homework, always had dinner for me, and bought me pumps at thirteen.

But we never had the talk when I became pregnant: ?This is how you become a good mom.  This is what you need to do.?

At forty, I can say I am a good mom.  And my reasons may be different than yours.  My kids might even have different answers.

But these are mine:

1. I wanted my kids desperately.  Even at the fertility clinic when I had to wait in the office and witness the nervous husbands tell the secretary that they left their sperm at home, I knew I would be a mom.
2. From the moment my first came into the world, I knew my life had changed forever.
3. As babies, when my kids would crap in the tub, I thought it was adorable.
4. When my kids cried uncontrollably for no apparent reason, I tried desperately to find one.  “Oh, he?s gassy, he?s tired, he?s hungry, he?s upset about our property taxes.”
5. I spend a lot of time with my kids, but also know when I need to step back.
6. They have clean underwear.
7. I would rather them be kind than popular.
8. I punish them if their curse words aren?t appropriate for the situation at hand. ?This dinner tastes like shit!? is okay, ?Your ass looks f#!!ing big,? they lose their phone.
9. I wear a really snazzy chauffeur hat when I drive them around.
10. I follow them on Instagram and like some of their posts.
11. I pretend I don?t want to put them to bed, but I secretly love it.
12. I cry when they cry, but they don?t know.
13. I try not to tell them what I think all the time, even though I know I am right.
14. I only make fun of them behind their backs, never to their face.
15. I always try to make them laugh everyday.
16. I make them watch Lockup on msnbc to scare the shit out of them.
17. I tell them everyday I am proud of them, even if it?s just for holding in their farts in public.
18. I smile every time I talk about my kids.
19. I don?t mind fake sick days.
20. And, finally, I can?t imagine my life any other way.

So for all the moms out there, give yourself a pat on the back this Sunday.  We are good mommies, and we all know why.

Happy Mother?s Day.

You like Mother’s Day? Me, too. See: Happy Mother’s Day, and, If It’s Important To You…